Earlier this week the Sony Corporation introduced its latest invention, a device designed to control the world’s population. The invention is simply known as the “Playstation 4.” Designed to limit socialization to online exchanges in game rooms, the eight core processor invention will help prevent many individuals from first experiencing a sexual encounter until they are well into their 20’s. The move was largely applauded by those in the religious right.
“Praise God for bringing us this miracle” said Pastor Benjamin Sullivan of the Grace Baptist Church in Pineview, GA. “I always try and preach abstinence for the unmarried members of my flock, but try as they might, too often they succumb to the Devil’s lies and engage in pre-marital intercourse. But thanks to the Playstation 4, my younger members will not only be distracted, but will not learn the social skills necessary to land a member of the opposite sex until they are past their youthful teenage and college years. Praise the Lord for Sony!”
Though only a few of the Playstation 4’s new features were revealed last week, one of the most highly touted features will give users the ability to have players from other locations take control of their game to assist them with challenging portions. This is expected to decrease the likelihood of a player inviting any opposite sex gamers over to their house and further aid in minimizing the likelihood of sex.
The exact release date has not yet been determined, but many experts expect the system to debut in time for Christmas to help reduce Christmas party lovemaking.