BARTERS, PA – The social event of the year struck the town of Barters yesterday, as hundreds of residents in this sleepy town lined up just for a taste of free Rita’s Italian Ice. Marking the only event of significance for the town of 1,321 residents, a town which also lacks any notable tourist spots or nightlife, many locals used this as an opportunity to don their best clothing.
Local socialite Tara Rednor turned all the heads with her 2012 pair of Express jeans.
But the talk over the tasty, cold treats centered on seeing everyone else in town, and confirmation that this event sadly marks the most exciting thing that happens in this boring town.
Even the mayor made an appearance, delivering a short statement.
“This is it people, we wait all year for this exciting moment!” After a slight pause, Mayor Doug Kinder went on to also say “Wow, we’re a sad bunch.”
“We still have the ink festival in August” town resident James Noone said, as he depressingly bowed his head.
As the evening grew to an end and Rita’s closed its shop for the night, the town residents went back to their individual lives with the sad realization that things won’t get any better than this until the next first day of spring.
At closing time, Rita’s part timer Vicky Smith, 16, commented to her co-workers “how pathetic everyone here is. At 18 I’m leaving this town and never coming back.”
Smith is expected to wind up pregnant and married within ten months.