SCITUATE RI – John Keelson has completely done a 180 on his opinions on gun control, abortion, same-sex marriage, and other controversial issues after the uneducated man read a Facebook status update posted by one of his conservative friends.
The normally non-political 32 year-old lifelong Scituate resident has been known to frequently change his political opinions on hot-topic issues without any previous thought, usually going along with the latest information that he was told. In 2004, Keelson was originally in favor of the constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage after he gave no thought or independent research to the issue, calling it “unpatriotic to question George W. Bush.”
Keelson then changed his mind on the topic while supporting Barack Obama’s presidential campaign of 2008, telling his friends that it was time for everyone to come together and reach across the aisle.
His political opinions began to shift to the right in 2012 when the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Obamacare, as the part time auto mechanic, who only makes $27,000 a year said that the government was “taking his money” after listening to a Fox News piece, despite the fact that Keelson has enough deductions that he hasn’t owed any federal income tax in eight years.
Keelson’s latest shift to the pro gun rights, pro-life, and anti same-sex marriage side occurred on Sunday afternoon while reading his Facebook newsfeed. Keelson came across a Facebook post from one of his conservative friends, lamenting that America has “lost her way” and that “this country is no longer what the founders envisioned.” After giving no independent thought or research to the issues at hand, Keelson took it upon himself to immediately become conservative on all hot-topic issues and become a champion for conservative causes.
Despite showing no independent thought and only being able to defend his new political opinions with generic talking points, Keelson is planning to run for Scituate City Council this November. He is expected to get the endorsement of the Rhode Island Tea Party.