With the Memorial Day weekend and the unofficial start of summer just around the corner, New Jersey residents are hoping to see tourism return to normal following the devastating effects of October’s Superstorm Sandy. In an effort to convince tourists to return, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is urging Garden State residents to withhold their usual insults and complaints of tourists for this weekend.
“I know the temptation is strong to make fun of New Yorkers in wife beater shirts in Seaside. I know it’s hard to resist an anti-French wise crack at the Quebec tourists in Wildwood” said the Governor at a Wednesday speech delivered in Toms River.
“However, this summer is critical to the Jersey comeback. If we don’t get this early tourist money rolling in, there might be no chance at rebuilding our boardwalks back to the way they used to be. So for this one holiday weekend, I’m asking the citizens of New Jersey to please sacrifice your witty anti-tourist remarks. If a New Yorker bumps into you at a club, please don’t call him a guido and challenge him to a fight. Just say ‘excuse me’ and carry on with your evening.”
Though disappointed that they can’t make fun of tourists, most New Jersey residents are publicly stating their intent to the follow the Governor’s request for the good of the state.
“Most of the time I would give the tourists defective prizes and make fun of them with my employees after they left” said Jeff Friday, owner of one of Seaside Heights’ boardwalk games. “But we need to convince them to come back, so we’ll give them one good weekend. I’ll treat them like real people until Tuesday morning.”
Even those with no vested financial stake in the shore are offering to help out.
“If one of them drives well under the speed limit, I suppose that for this one weekend I can refrain from tailgating them while flashing my high beams repeatedly” said Island Heights resident Sarah McIntyre.
In response to learning that New Jersey residents plan to be nice to tourists this week, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has promised that New Yorkers will “continue to get angry at idiot tourists that stop in the middle of a crowded sidewalk to take pictures.”