Joshua Miller was planning on enjoying a meal with his family at the local Wendy’s fast food chain in Joplin, Missouri last night. The Millers were en route to their house after seeing an advanced screening of the ‘Man of Steel’ movie that comes out later this week. Miller was hoping to have a quiet and relaxing evening with his family before starting the weekly rat race. While order a double patty burger, Miller started to look ill. Eye-witnesses say that Miller’s wife, Kelly, asked him if he was alright and he insisted that he was. The young cashier, John Magers, 41, used his fitness training knowledge and saw that Peck was not feeling well. Magers acted quickly and refused to let Peck continue his food order.
“…It was when I saw that Mr. Miller was short of breath and discribed having a tight squeezing sensation around his chest that I stoppped letting him complete his order. His coloring looked horrible. Quickly, I closed the drawer. He wanted to have his order and shouted for a manager because he did not like my decision.” said Magers to the Daily Bugle on Sunday’s interview.
Joplin’s Wendy’s general manager, John Papasergio quickly respond to the incident. “I looked over the man and I bit my lower lip before I could say anything. Finally, I said, ‘Bro, this s*** will kill you. Trust me, Wendy’s food is not worth dying over. You have a beautiful wife and healthy kids. I can’t let you have this food.” Miller proceeded to call the police after being denied his fast food. Officers Elijah Ellis and Hunter Fivegolf responded to the disturbance immediately. Officer Ellis told Miller that, “This [Wendy’s] food should be illegal in all 51 states of our fine country.” Officer Fivegolf was available for explanation on Ellis’ statement, “My partner believes that Mexico is one of our states. However, I still feel that Wendy’s food is great for you. It’s a greasy form of ipecac that gets you going from both ends.”
Joplin’s Hospital staff vouched for the Wendy’s teams’ action. Doctor Shaun Murdock reported last night, “Recent medical journals show that the healthiest item on any Wendy’s menu is the the deepfried flies that ended up getting sprayed with the grease.” Doctor Murdock then provided us with testing. While compared with week old Chinese take out, Taco Bell food that was left out in the rain for three days, and the sushi platter from last the last Christmas party, Wendy’s is the most volatile to the human stomach. Fast food veteran, Ricky Hall commented, “In a choice between Wendy’s or eating Legos, I’d gladly eat the latter. Legos hurt less coming out than Wendy’s does! Trust me, Wendy’s makes the best Cr*ppy meals ever!”
Joplin’s Wendy’s Janitor, Rey Guzman was available for final comment on the fast food. “We save many people every day from getting ill or worse by discouraging them from eating our food.”