CLIFTON, NJ – Going up against game one of the World Series, twenty-five concerned Garden State voters instead packed the front seats of the Clifton High School auditorium to hear the issues affecting New Jersey. Battles raged over how to overcome budget shortfalls, property taxes, which dance moves would win a dance off, and whether performing an erotic striptease should be a prerequisite for being governor.
The only non-Hilaritan photographer present, presumably from the Star-Ledger, was wearing funny shoes and appeared to be more concerned about getting shots of empty seats than footage of the candidates.
Also making an appearance at the end was an unnamed individual who wanted to make sure that all the candidates received a free DVD of his new conspiracy theory movie, Obama Deception, which will be coming soon to a flea market near you.
The $1200 cost that the high school charged the candidates for the use of their auditorium apparently did not cover the costs of a trained light operator. Forced to scavenge the backstage utility closet for lighting alternatives, the overnight janitor found a standup floodlight that offered a consistent hum, drowning out some of the more soft-spoken candidates.
Now it was crunch time, and the candidates did the best they could to whip the electorate into a frenzy in the last debate before election day. Participating in the debate were six Independents, a Socialist, and a Libertarian.
Many intriguing facts were learned throughout the night, such as the fact that NJ is apparently broken and needs to be fixed and that at least four candidates on the ballot would be willing to engage in a dance competition. Though Hilaritan is not a gambling website, our staff officially predicts that the safest bets rest with either Kostas Petris or David Meiswinkle.
So buckle up and get ready for the final installment in Hilaritan’s New Jersey Gubernatorial coverage, as we deliver to you all the information you need to make an informed decision about who to vote for. Don’t forget to vote on this Tues., Nov. 3!