In a daring and controversial departure from current policy, the U.S. will begin laying claim to orbital bodies. Though touted as a scientific mission, NASA’s recent bombing of the moon puts the U.S. in a position to conquer the sphere and harvest its vast resources.
2009 Nobel Peace Prize recipient Barack Obama (you may also know him from his role as “sitting U.S. president”) supports bolstering NASA’s 2010 budget, providing the resources necessary to achieving victory over potential threats like the moon.
In February, Obama called for an increase of $2.4 billion to the agency, bringing its fiscal budget to $18.7 billion. More than enough for some colonizing… or not, I’m no space expert.
“This budget ensures NASA maintains its global leadership in Earth and space,” said Acting NASA Administrator Chris Scolese in a statement.
NASA said that the explosion on the moon’s surface last week would be used to discover if water was hidden under its surface. Debris is being analyzed by a number of high-powered telescopes
Obama may have run his campaign with pledges of bringing U.S. troops home sooner rather than later, but some critics say his policies don’t vary much from his predecessor, non-Nobel Peace Prize winning President George W. Bush.
Now, not only is Obama continuing Bush’s quest of spreading democracy to nations that don’t want it, or us, within their borders, he’s totally taking it to the next level by conquering the moon.
Experts agree, there is no democracy on the moon yet. So we better spread it there as soon as possible and blowing holes on its surface is a good way to start. Put a little fear in the moon, let it know we’re the real deal. Yeah, moon, you know how much the mission to explode a rocket on you cost? $79 million. But that’s nothing, we like to pour money into weapons and war, so you might as well give up your Commie ways now and spare yourself the charred moon cheese or whatever your surface is made out of.
Protestors took to the White House last week to let the President know they can see through his faux-Peace Prize winner posturing.
The Washington Post reported that a lady with a bullhorn questioned the Obama Administration’s ability to end the Afghan war. The crowd responded “No!” when asked if an Afghan farmer who lost his family to a bomb would consider Obama “a peace president.”
The crowd also took jabs at Obama’s sincerity and declared that the current Democratic Congress is just like the Republican one from a few years back.
Then they all got arrested and horded into a bus with a McDonalds ad featuring the dignified slogan “Commander-in-Beef” plastered on the side.
This isn’t the first time NASA has targeted the moon. In 1999, its Lunar Prospector was crashed into the moon’s deliciously alien Velveeta surface, also supposedly to search for water. Unsurprisingly, none was found.
Researchers are hopeful they will discover water this time, making colonization of the moon easier and less expensive. My research indicates that man cannot survive on the moon’s amply supply of cheese alone.