New Jersey resident Clint McDougal has recently risen to the ranks of Prestige Master on Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. The 27 year old Garden State resident achieved this honor at 3:24 a.m. on Thursday morning, finally reaching a point in which McDougal could feel vindication for a sedentary lifestyle that has been largely devoid of friendship, meaningful relationships, and physical intimacy since he stopped attending Union Community College seven years ago.
McDougal has been training for this moment through most of his adult life. While he was a casual gamer through high school and two years of community college, he really kicked his butt into full gear in January 2006, when he decided to take a semester off of college and really “just mellow out for a few months and see where I really belong in life” according to McDougal. McDougal then proceeded to spend the next several weeks going back to play all the old Final Fantasy games that he could get his hands on, until he discovered every possible hidden crevice of the games that he missed back in his casual gaming days.
With a new in depth love for video games and no sense of real responsibility thanks to two apathetic parents that don’t have the guts to tell their son to get a real job and pick a direction in life, McDougal went on to average 8 hours of video games a day, only breaking to peruse internet message boards and learn more details about the video games he plays.
This level of dedication at the expense of fulfilling any emotional needs that a perfectly sane, rational person would seek in a healthy, loving relationship helped McDougal clearly establish a level of superiority over his peers in the realm of video game dominance.
Lacking anyone actually close to McDougal to comment on the accomplishment, Hilaritan spoke to Wayne Sinclair, a former friend of McDougal’s from Union County College.
“Oh yea, Clint, he was cool to hang out with for awhile. We used to just shoot the breeze and try to figure out which parties were going to have beer. He kind of drifted off the wayside though. But that’s cool he got that accomplishment” said the 28 year old Rahway, NJ resident who has only logged 13 hours of Black Ops 2 game play since he was too busy nurturing a healthy relationship with his loving wife Cathy and their two month old daughter Kelly.
Despite having already achieved the highest possible level of accomplishment for Black Ops 2, McDougal plans to continue playing for quite some time. “There’s too many people that prestige due to hacking, so I have to make sure that I put them in their place while we’re playing. So the more I can just hunt them down and kill them five or six times in the same game, they’ll start learning a lesson about playing by the rules” said the same man that hasn’t been on a date in six years.